


My Body Is A Prison

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Rey-Write AUs [3]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark, Evil Snoke, Healing, Hurt Poe Dameron, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, No Healing Cock, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, POV Poe Dameron, Past Rape/Non-con, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Protective Kylo Ren, Rape Recovery, Snoke Being a Dick, Twisted Hurt/Comfort, by a third party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-04-29 19:16:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14479386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Shortly before Jakku, Poe is raped by a fellow pilot. When Kylo Ren discovers this, Poe’s fate goes differently than others would imagine.





	1. Violation

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Call this another case of writing to cope with certain revelations about a site I went to. I hope I managed to write it with the grace it deserves.

“I had no idea that we had the best pilot in the Resistance onboard.”

Poe looked up at Kylo Ren, glaring at him. The stormtroopers had already beaten him up. Whatever Kylo Ren did, he could take it. 

“Comfortable?” Ren said. 

“Not really.”

Ren walked towards him, and Poe had to fight back his flinch. Whatever he did, he couldn’t let the bastard see him flinch. “I’m impressed,” he said, “No one’s been able to get out of you what you did with the map.”

“You might wanna rethink your technique.”

And even as Kylo Ren reached out, pulling Poe’s memories from him like they were nothing at all, Poe remembered...

***

_The pilot’s grip was bruising even as Poe struggled in it. “I told you, I can’t, I’m married...”_

_”They don’t have to know. Just one kiss, Dameron.”_

_”No.”_

_Even yanking himself out wasn’t going to help. The pilot shoved him to the ground, and unbuttoned his pants. He was already hard, and Poe reached for his blaster, only for the pilot to pin him down, and he was huge, practically huge..._

_Poe’s pants were all but yanked down and that thing, huge and hard and awful, was all but forced inside him. The tiles above on the ceiling, the lights, stood out the most even as the pilot’s hands ravaged his body..._

***

Kylo Ren withdrew from Poe’s head and Poe couldn’t help but be relieved. He couldn’t read the masked man’s expression, but the voice behind the mask was too expressive, and unlike previously, Poe could hear him all too clearly. 

“The Resistance scum did this to you?” He sounded genuinely taken aback. 

“None of your business.” Even saying it, Poe felt the shame of the day returning. That had been days ago, that had been before Jakku. Poe has leapt at the chance, just to get away from the man who had attacked him. No one else knew. If they knew, they would know everything. And Poe couldn’t risk it. So he covered it up. 

“It wasn’t like I was even leading him on,” Poe said. “I wasn’t teasing him. Kriff, all I was wearing were my normal clothes; I wasn’t leading him on.”

”Of course not.” And there was some sort of sincerity in Ren’s voice. Some sort of softness that caught Poe off-guard. “The Resistance are animals, plain and simple. This...man, if you can call him that, saw you as an object, didn’t he?”

”Yeah.” Then, “Why does it matter to you?”

Slowly, Ren removed his mask, and Poe saw Ben’s face for the first time in six years. 

“Ben?” he said, softly. 

“Ben is dead,” Kylo Ren said. 

“But you live.” Poe wet his lips. “Why didn’t General Organa tell me?”

”Only she can answer that. I assume I was a dirty secret for her.”

Poe didn’t know what to think. Between the rape and this...he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t go to the First Order. And yet...

”You won’t have to join us,” Ren said, “Not yet.”

That was good news, at least. 

Ren kept the helmet on on the way to his quarters. It was in his quarters that he removed the helmet again, and Poe had to be relieved. He couldn’t say he liked the mask. Besides obscuring his husband’s voice, it was eerie to look at — like there was no design consistency. Half-avian, half-faceless, something that made no sense. At least with Vader’s helmet, you got an idea of what you were looking at. Ren’s — Ben’s — not so much. 

“There’s a shower to your right,” Ren said. “If you need one.”

”Thank you,” Poe said. 

After the rape, he’d been left reeling. He hadn’t quite cut, but there had been such a disgust with his body, like he was trapped in this prison cell where that bastard had raped him. He hadn’t said anything to his friends. If they knew...

Would they judge him? Would they think it was his fault? 

Showering was quick and cursory. Poe didn’t want to spend any more time with his body than he needed to. He dressed for bed, in soft clothes he suspected that Ren had found for him, and realized that he had no place to sleep. Did he want to sleep next to Ren? He had been used to sleeping alone, which had gotten complicated since the rape. 

After a while  he said, “Is there a chair I can sleep in? Just in case?”

"Yes.”

Poe supposed that he could sleep in that chair until morning. He drifted, still dreaming of that pilot’s face, almost distorted and terrifying, in his mind. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Morning Come Quickly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

When Poe woke up from his nightmare, shaking and sweating and trying not to scream, he saw that Kylo Ren was already awake. Looking at him. It was one of those things that was eerie, actually, seeing the furrow of his brow (that face, as always, was too expressive), the dark brown of his eyes. When he spoke, it was soft, something like the Ben that Poe knew. “Is all well?”

”Yeah.” He still didn’t feel comfortable with the fact that Ben could read him so easily. And there was a part of him that wondered what he was thinking. Sharing a room with the same man who had interrogated him...

Ben tilted his head. There was something about it that reminded Poe of a curious kath hound. Then, “You don’t trust me.”

”No. Why did you have to do that to me?”

Ben was quiet for a long time. Then, “It gave me no pleasure to do it. The Supreme Leader’s orders were clear, but I took no pleasure in doing it.”

”You could have said ‘no’.”

Ben sighed. “The Supreme Leader is not someone you disobey easily.”

And there was a certain tension in his voice that suggested that there was something more to it. Poe wondered what the Supreme Leader was possibly doing to Ben. 

Ben spoke. “Nothing you need to know about.” But there was something rigid about the way he spoke, like there was ground glass in his voice. 

“Ben. Is he hurting you?”

Ben looked away. 

Poe already knew the answer. “Ben...”

He looked up at Ben, and his eyes said everything his words couldn’t. 

“Whatever he does to you, you’re not alone,” Poe said. 

“Neither are you,” Ben said. 

And from there, Poe supposed, the day was laid out. 


	3. The Droid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finds BB-8.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“You failed to get the map from Dameron?”

To say that Snoke was furious would be an understatement. Kylo Ren didn’t flinch facing him, but he was lying if he said that he wasn’t at least a little unsettled.

“I was — ’’

”I give you a simple task,” Snoke said. “Something far from beyond your abilities. And you fail even that...”

”I found something in Dameron’s memory.”

Silence. Snoke seemed calmer now, curious. “Did you?”

”He was raped,” Kylo Ren said. “By a fellow pilot.”

Something flickered across Snoke’s face. Then, “Does General Organa know? More specifically, does she care?”

”I don’t know,” Ren said. “But it’s clear they’ve done nothing about it.”

“Savages, all of them,” Snoke practically growled. “Thinking they can take what they will, like others are prizes to be won. And now Dameron’s paying the price. The Resistance aren’t just loathsome creatures — they’re monsters in their own right. How they believe themselves heroes, I will never understand."

”What now?”

”Well, that,” said Snoke, “Lies in Dameron’s hands.” A beat. “For now, we must search Jakku. See what became of Dameron’s BB unit.”

”Is there any way to heal Poe?” And Kylo knew he would let the Resistance burn if it meant that Poe would be avenged.

“Presumably. Right now...after this, after all this, D’Qar will fall. Let the punishment fit the crime.”

Kylo couldn’t help but be torn. On the one hand, the man who had raped his husband (assuming he was a man) would die in the attack. And all no doubt complicit.

But what of his mother? Did she know? Did she know any of this?

Did the punishment, in this case, fit the crime?

“Go,” Snoke said. “Search for the droid.”

”Yes, Supreme Leader.”

He handed the task off to Hux’s men (Hux was a tool, but tools had their uses) before going to visit Poe.

Poe was passing the time as best as he could when Kylo came in, reading some old files on his datapad. Kylo removed his helmet, feeling naked before Poe, and sat down.

“Are you well?” Kylo said.

Poe nodded. “It helps a little. After...what happened, it’s enough to drown everything out...”

Kylo felt like his chest was being squeezed in a vise. He couldn’t say that he had felt that way in quite some time, actually. And yet here he was. 

“You’re...” Kylo didn’t know if the word “safe” really applied. “You’re away from the creature who did this to you. That’s what matters.”

”Yeah.” Poe said. 

“If it’s not too intrusive...can I be close to you?”

Poe hesitated. He seemed to be really thinking about it. 

Then, “Just not too close.”

Kylo obliged. Poe sighed. “Thank you.”

”Of course.”

 

***

They brought in the girl and BB-8 later on. The girl they locked up, BB-8 they brought to Poe and Kylo. It would have been one of those happy reunions if not for the circumstances, Poe thought.

BB-8 beeped, questioningly, at Kylo, and Kylo spoke in a way that suggested he was trying to explain to a child a difficult concept. “Ben Solo is no more. He was weak and foolish, so I destroyed him.”

BB-8 beeped, clearly confused.

“Not literally,” Kylo said. “But you can call me Kylo Ren. Believe me, it’s better off that way.”

If droids could look like their hearts could break...well, that’s how BB-8 looked in that moment. Poe’s heart ached as he looked at BB-8. Did Kylo Ren even believe such a thing?

“The map to Skywalker,” Kylo Ren said. “Where is it?”

BB-8 beeped, clearly a refusal to tell. Ren sighed. 

“You know of it,” Ren said. “Don’t you?”

Silence. 

“You do. Where is it?”

Another defiant beep. 

“You’re hiding something, aren’t you?”

”Please,” Poe said. “You don’t have to do this.”

Ren looked at him. “I have a job to do.”

”Yes, but...can you really hurt him?”

Ren hesitated. Then, “No.”

Poe nodded. “Exactly.” And he had to be relieved that for the moment BB-8 was spared. 

He just hoped that it would continue. 

 


	4. Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle of D’Qar begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Reporting to Snoke again, Kylo already felt smaller than he really was. Interrogating Poe had gone poorly — and while he was ready to protect Poe at all costs, he wasn’t quite ready for Snoke’s increasing anger. 

“You’re conflicted,” said Snoke. “You know full well that conflict has no place in serving the First Order. Ever since you captured Dameron, you’ve been crumbling.”

”I know.” And Kylo would be lying if he said that he wasn’t ashamed of it. Ashamed of what he was doing — failing. 

“Knowing isn’t good enough,” said Snoke. “You know full well what you must do, and yet you’re failing at remarkably simple tasks. We have an opportunity to have an advantage over the Resistance and you waste it...”

”I know.”

“Then learn from it,” Snoke said. “In the meantime...tell General Hux to prepare the weapon. D’Qar will burn, and there will be no place for the Resistance to hide.”

Kylo looked up in surprise. Of all the things he expected, it wasn’t that. 

Then, “Supreme Leader, I can get the map from the droid. I’ll just need a bit of...persuasion.”

”Put your persuasion to the test then,” Snoke said. “D’Qar must burn before the Resistance reaches Skywalker.”

***

It was with BB-8 that Kylo knelt next to him. He had no desire to break BB-8 open, not the droid that he had spent time building when he was fifteen. He had to take what he needed, though. He had to get BB-8 to understand, somehow. He spoke. 

“BB-8,” he said, “Do you know anything about the map to Skywalker?”

BB-8 beeped an insistent, almost angry series of negatives. Kylo sighed. 

“You’re hiding something because of Poe, right?” Kylo said. “Because you care about him.” BB-8 had become just as attached to Poe as Ben had been, albeit in a different way. 

BB-8 beeped a question. 

“Why I fell? I had my eyes opened, BB-8. The Supreme Leader isn’t a bad man — ’’

Another beep, dismayed, disbelieving. 

“He’s not,” Kylo said. “Is it bad that he wants to make the galaxy better?”

More beeping, frantic, disbelieving. 

“He does.” And yet, D’Qar...

Would the punishment really fit the crime? 

Poe came in just then, and turned to look at Kylo. “What did he say? Snoke?”

”D’Qar’s going to be destroyed. On his orders.”

And the way Poe looked, it was like his galaxy fell apart. 


	5. Helmet and Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo says goodbye to Poe, for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: So I haven’t updated in some time because I thought I’d moved past the incident. (I wasn’t myself raped, but I heard about someone I used to admire and how they raped multiple people) I was wrong. I figured I’d write something to cope.

“There’s innocent people on that planet!” Poe said. 

“Are there?” Kylo said. Even as Poe looked at him, he swore that there was anger boiling in his eyes, anger at what happened to Poe. It would be welcome, and yet Poe thought of everyone on D’Qar who was doomed to die. Not just his friends, but everyone in the Ileneum system who had nothing to do with the rape...

Kylo continued. “They were good as complicit in your rape — ’’

”I couldn’t go to a medic,” Poe said. 

Kylo looked at him, confusion writ large all over his features. “Why not?”

”I was...ashamed."

”That shame,” Kylo said, “Belongs to the vermin who did this to you, and no one else. Certainly not you. You are the victim of someone else’s aggression. There is everything wrong with him. Nothing wrong with you.” A beat. “They treated you like nothing. But you are not...nothing. Not to me.”

Poe took a deep breath. He could already feel the shame melting away to be replaced with anger. “How could he do this to me?”

”I don’t know,” Kylo said. “I’m sure you won’t miss him when he’s gone.”

It was then that one of the First Order officers walked into the room. He startled, staring for a while at Kylo without the mask. Kylo frantically settled it on, and he was the picture of Vader’s scion. There was almost no sign of his husband in there, not that Poe could see. 

“Sir,” the officer said, “Resistance fighters have attacked Starkiller Base.”

”I’m on my way,” Kylo said. 

It was once the officer left that Kylo turned to look at Poe, pulled off his helmet again. “I love you,” he said. “I won’t be long.”

Kylo kissed his forehead, and it was then that he pulled on the helmet again, and his husband was once more a faceless armored enforcer. Then Kylo was gone, and though Poe was far from rooting for the First Order, he could only hope his husband would be safe. 

 


End file.
